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Try taking him out for coffee and, with everybody’s clothes on, asking him if he thinks the sex is actually a good idea.If it turns out you’re on the same page—how it feels and what it means—then go for it.Each one is invariably the best guy she’s ever dated. How do I set boundaries for myself and get a break from this emotional roller coaster?A friend of mine who’s a therapist likes to say simply, when I’m waffling about some issue that she’s heard me waffle about a million times before, “This is not new information.” It helps me notice that I’m repeating an old pattern and (though she doesn’t say it) that I’m boring her.One way or another, you’re going to have to clue in your friend that this is an ugly pattern and set some limits, because while you’re a wonderful and supportive friend, you also risk being an enabler: someone who makes it possible for your friend to keep pursuing an unhealthy habit.What you say depends on how you feel about the friendship.

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While my boyfriend and I are pretty sure we will at some point, we just don’t place the same importance on marriage that my mom does. Parents pressure kids about marriage for all kinds of reasons: because they want to imagine that their future is settled; because they want grandkids; because they want something fun to look forward to or to brag to their friends about; because they presume that marriage is the only proper path for a serious relationship.If anything, it’s making my boyfriend kind of nervous.” But make this last point only if you absolutely must.Surely your mother has your best interests at heart, and approaching her with compassion and understanding is preferable to emotional blackmail.“Mom, believe me, we know that you want us to get married.But pressuring us publicly is not going to speed things along.

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